For the longest time I have been crying out to the Lord for another to come into my life. I want this relationship to be an addition to mine with my path along with the Lord. Everything in me has been crying out to have this person in my sight and my life. Things started to go in a positive direction but all the time I looked up at the Lord and felt His hand holding me back from going full force. I would just like to say that the Lord through this whole journey was never late in His timing. Even though things aren't going the way I pictured them, the view Christ has given me is far more breathtaking.
I am one to be the listening ear for any friend or stranger. Everything within me is so amazed and grateful for the heart as well as passion Christ has purposefully placed in my life. With this comes a great downfall. I never allow myself to be broken in front of others so therefore I never reach my hand out for council when it is needed the most. My sinful heart tells me that what I am dealing with is not as big as I am making it and others don't need to hear my drama. And half the time when I do release it sounds all too much like a rant and it's all too dramatic. On the other hand I don't always release all that is truly on my heart.
Christ places certain things, people, circumstances, passions, and ideas in front of us. It is up to our passions and actions on whether we are going to plunge into them, The Lord our God is one of great deliberate choices. The struggle comes in when we blur the lines of our wants from the needs Christ sets before us. As you have guessed this struggle is exactly what has been attacking my every being.
Never in a million years would I believe you if you told me about the person I am today. Christ has totally wrecked me for His kingdom in a way that I could never return to my old soul. Just in this short first year at Liberty I have been able to see how purposeful Christ is. He wants to continually pursue us even when we don't take a step near Him. Being called to be a servant of a servant is such a job description. We are called to our knees daily for Christ but this is where Christ also intercedes with us. He has just held me with the tight grip of knowing that wherever I may be on the path He passes it as well.
Isn't it crazy to think that the trials and situations Christ sets in our lives have already been approved by Him? This should give us such a hope for how it all ends!! Christ will never bring a matter to us if He thought it wouldn't better our connection with Him and His children. My thanks are overflowing as I rest in this faithful promise of the Lord. He has shown me such a great deal of favor that was once masked as pain.
Going into last week I was very laid back in what the Lord was showing me. Little did I know that the Lord was going to turn me upside down. Throughout the week I was presented with such a fulfilling chance of being on a worship team at my local church. Three days was the duration of my time with the team which included three practices and four performances at services. In less than a week this alone grabbed a hold of my heart and shook out the despair and frustration of what I wanted the most.
But that evening I was approached by a very shaken man on campus. I could tell something had taken him over. With the amount of nerves to knock you out, this man named Josh came up to me and says...
Josh: "This may sound weird. But I have been deep in the Lord today and He has prompted me to come and pray over you."
At this point I was honestly taken by surprise because I couldn't tell if this guy was true to heart or if he was awkwardly trying to pick me up. With reserve I gave an accepting look for him to continue.
Josh: "I saw you and the Lord told me that you have been calling out for a trusting relationship. That you are longing for something more and you have been a great deal of despair over it..."
As he continued on the Holy Spirit spoke truth into his mouth through my heart. I was taken back as I realized that Christ has heard my plea. I have been praying and debating with Christ for a relationship that would last. That for once one special person would be my trusting anchor for me in a way far more than just a friendship. In being on my face Christ felt all too close but so distant at the same time.
Josh: " I am not sure if I am close (deep breaths and shaking)but I just wanted to pray for you. Can I touch you with prayer?"
Me: "Thank you. Of course."
He proceeded on to pray for this broken woman of Christ that he didn't even know. And as he walked on my heart broke.
Christ has heard my plea and He comforts my soul in knowing that He hears everything I mutter into words. He also understands my silence even when I can't myself. God I praise you for you are good and faithful.
Josh: "This may sound weird. But I have been deep in the Lord today and He has prompted me to come and pray over you."
At this point I was honestly taken by surprise because I couldn't tell if this guy was true to heart or if he was awkwardly trying to pick me up. With reserve I gave an accepting look for him to continue.
Josh: "I saw you and the Lord told me that you have been calling out for a trusting relationship. That you are longing for something more and you have been a great deal of despair over it..."
As he continued on the Holy Spirit spoke truth into his mouth through my heart. I was taken back as I realized that Christ has heard my plea. I have been praying and debating with Christ for a relationship that would last. That for once one special person would be my trusting anchor for me in a way far more than just a friendship. In being on my face Christ felt all too close but so distant at the same time.
Josh: " I am not sure if I am close (deep breaths and shaking)but I just wanted to pray for you. Can I touch you with prayer?"
Me: "Thank you. Of course."
He proceeded on to pray for this broken woman of Christ that he didn't even know. And as he walked on my heart broke.
Christ has heard my plea and He comforts my soul in knowing that He hears everything I mutter into words. He also understands my silence even when I can't myself. God I praise you for you are good and faithful.
He gave me such a heart of worship and praise last evening as well. I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to humble myself before my peers at our Campus worship. And I have to say raising my hand for prayer made my heart be ripped out by Christ. My soul was able to have a fresh gasp of air. I was finally able to lay my guard down and allow myself to receive. I could try to write down all that Christ shook alive in me last night but it would do it no justice. All I know is that my God is just and faithful. That His embrace holds me daily and it pushes me to do things that I don't see fit to be in my view. It pushes me to be radical for Christ. He causes me to fall on my face in praise and great emotion.
God I thank you for showing my that you provide for me such rest and restoration in any matter. I thank Him for bringing a Liberty speaker into my view. Yesterday I was also shown that I am a bird in a lobster cage. Sounds weird but let me explain. The speaker was explaining how he saw vacant lobster cages around his house and birds had made nest in them. If a lobster were to see those birds making their home for raising their children in them they would yell for them to run. The lobsters see the great destruction those cages mean for them but the birds see something totally different. The lobster could never see the other side of the story. In the same respect Christ has made me a bird in a lobster cage. I have now seen by radical grace that the people and support I seek from this world will never give me the answers I need. That is why I always feel so empty from others even from the best advice. I am now in the rest that Christ gives me things that others could never see the other view. To them it may even seem wrong or crazy. But to me it is the path and passion Christ has set before me.
Because of Him and my purpose I am reminded of what it's like to be confident and bold. Days ago I was fatigued and just done. Now I am spiritual and emotional fatigued through Christ but I couldn't feel more at rest. For He holds me forever.
God I thank you for showing my that you provide for me such rest and restoration in any matter. I thank Him for bringing a Liberty speaker into my view. Yesterday I was also shown that I am a bird in a lobster cage. Sounds weird but let me explain. The speaker was explaining how he saw vacant lobster cages around his house and birds had made nest in them. If a lobster were to see those birds making their home for raising their children in them they would yell for them to run. The lobsters see the great destruction those cages mean for them but the birds see something totally different. The lobster could never see the other side of the story. In the same respect Christ has made me a bird in a lobster cage. I have now seen by radical grace that the people and support I seek from this world will never give me the answers I need. That is why I always feel so empty from others even from the best advice. I am now in the rest that Christ gives me things that others could never see the other view. To them it may even seem wrong or crazy. But to me it is the path and passion Christ has set before me.
Because of Him and my purpose I am reminded of what it's like to be confident and bold. Days ago I was fatigued and just done. Now I am spiritual and emotional fatigued through Christ but I couldn't feel more at rest. For He holds me forever.
"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." ~Zephaniah 3:17
*I am able to find blessings in the barren land
*He loves me with an everlasting love that continues to be unfailing
*He draws me to Him by his love
*He rebuilds and makes me happy again
*I am able to be radiant with song because of Him
*I am called to mark the path by which I come
*He is the moon in my darkest of nights*
(Inspired by Jeremiah 31)
"Tears of joy will stream down their faces, and I will lead them home with great care. They will walk beside quiet streams and on smooth paths where they will not stumble."
~Jeremiah 31:9
